drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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