from now on my penis is your penis
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
