It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
