it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
