I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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