Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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