Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
