I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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