I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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