remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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