dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
