I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
