I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
