what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
