I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
