just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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