dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
