You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
