broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
