He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
