he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
