After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
