i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
