She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Small penises have feelings too.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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