You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
