if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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