told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
