Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
