i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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