He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
