Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
