the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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