Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
