i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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