24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
