Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
