Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
