what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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