An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
