Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
