finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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