Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
