there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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