I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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