You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
