I cannot find my penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
