I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
