Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
