found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
