you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
