WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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