i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My ATM looks so different sober.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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