Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
